The entrepreneurship journey is one of many emotions—a series of doubt mixed with excitement, fear coinciding with joy. It’s one all-consuming, ever-present thought process of “I can do this…Can I do this?” Which, coincidentally, is the mission statement of this brand. It’s only natural that the owner of a lifestyle brand preaching intentionality to you is practicing the art herself. But like with all things, we must know what is not intentional to know intention, and this includes our thoughts. Where do I intend my thoughts to lead me? In this journey, I have discovered it is necessary to experience both sides of a generalized love/hate relationship and simply embrace them. Because I have found that the better parts of my growth and expansion have come after periods of doubt, questioning, and disbelief.

Becoming an entrepreneur in the context of lifestyle, manifestation, spirituality, etc., does not come with a prerequisite to achieving perfectionism. When you’re a healer, and you’re starting a business with the intention to change lives through the development of mindset, you must always practice the same thing. There have been times on this journey when I have felt the need to be perfect. This strive for perfection has (in the past) caused me to resent my own intentional living and healing journey. Sometimes, this resentment has grown so strong that it has pushed me to stray away from my goals, wondering about the point of it all.

The Point of It All

In my quest to achieve my more significant goals, I’ve lost sight of the here and now, too focused on the long-term achievement. Because of this, I’ve grown to think that I’m not doing enough now, not achieving enough now, and I’m falling behind. Falling behind who or of what? I don’t know. Just falling behind. This thought process has made me lose sight of this moment, the impact I have today, and who that impact is on. While on this journey to pursue a life where I help other women discover their impact and lead intentional lives, I lost sight of the intentional impact I’ve had on myself. I try to always be transparent with my business. Each platform is dedicated to being honest and open about what it means to be intentional.

But I haven’t been honest about how truly arduous and challenging this journey has been. I have put well over 18 months of work into building a brand, platform, and community representing intentionality. And sometimes, it feels like nothing but stuff has come from that time. It’s hard to see “impact” that can’t be measured in numbers or physical results. I’m as type A as they come and a Virgo, so you can imagine that organization, spreadsheets, and numbers are ways I like to “measure success.” But you see, I think I’ve forgotten that success is objective. What you may define as success could be very different from my definition. But even more, we see success as a final destination rather than linear.

My Ongoing Success

I woke up this morning with anxiety. I sat down at my desk, feeling lonely and detached from myself. And if I’m truly being honest here, I’ve been sitting down at my desk with this feeling of anxiety for weeks (if not months) now. I sit down and can feel the fear rushing to the surface. I start to panic about the panic, and I become mean to myself. Instead of addressing the anxiety and acknowledging it with compassion, I pretend it’s not there and give myself an internal shout of “Why are you feeling this way? There is no reason to be anxious.” And yet, I am. I became so angry with myself that I let the anxiety bubble over until I was sobbing. After taking some time to cry, journal, and meditate, I realized something.

My anxiety around “success” came from a non-linear form of thinking. I had previously thought that I wasn’t “successful” because I hadn’t achieved a desired result. I took a moment to simply reflect on all that I had done in these 18 months: build a brand, launch a business, launch a podcast, create a course, launch a coaching program, launch a second business for branding, and most importantly, heal and grow for myself. I’ve had the same “long-term” goals for so long that I had decided that I wasn’t successful since I hadn’t reached those yet.

Surrendering to the Fear

It wasn’t just the anger of not having reached “success” that was (and has been) consuming me; it was the fear that I never would. This constant high of “I can do this” battling this ongoing low of “Can I do this?” Honestly, I’m just tired. I’m tired of fighting these emotions, feeling amazing and then feeling scared. Worthy;unworthy, Happy;angry, Excited; scared. This rollercoaster sent me through loop after loop, wondering when—or even if—this ride would end. As I was crying, I imagined myself atop an enormous mountain, screaming at the top of my lungs, “I surrender.” Over and over again, I screamed. It felt like the Universe just hadn’t been hearing me, and to get her to do so, I needed to go to the highest peak I could imagine and scream it so loud it reverberated around the world.

My Entrepreneurship Journey

Looking back, my entrepreneurship journey appears so seamless. But in some moments, I feel the sea of differing emotions. It’s something I’m working on: releasing the fears and doubts and just surrendering to the possibility that everything I desire is coming true. It’s moments when I’m in complete flow that I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt I am successful; moments I record a podcast, write a blog, coach a client, or meditate. I’m learning to let my imperfections be my superpower, reminding myself that showing up imperfectly is natural and authentic. I know that I am my harshest judge, and if I’m showing up inauthentically, I’ll never achieve what I desire. So instead of waiting for another shoe to drop, I’m simply showing up as myself. And I encourage you to do the same, entrepreneur or not; it’s your duty to your highest self to show up authentically.

Listen to the Podcast on Overcoming the Fear of Failure, Part 1 & 2, to learn more about overcoming your upper limiting problem using Subconscious Breakthrough Techniques as you embark on your entrepreneurship journey.