The Law of Attraction abides by the concept that your external reality is a reflection of your internal. What determines your internal reality? Your thoughts. What you think about yourself, specifically when you’re dating, is what who you’re dating will think of you too. Dating has a laundry list of connotations connected to it–complicated, hard, fun, impersonal, heavy, vulnerable, and so much more. So how do we make it less “complicated?” It’s simple really, and the basis of every conversation we have at La.Rue: live Intentionally. I’m not talking about how your habits affect your dating life. But, if you zoom out a bit and look at the broader picture, you see how big a scope your lifestyle and mindset have on everything about your life, including dating. Dating and the Law of Attraction go hand-in-hand when you’re living intentionally.

When you change your mindset and see the results in your self-worth and relationship with yourself, dating changes. Dating should be fun. It should be this thing you do to meet new people and explore building a relationship with someone. What it shouldn’t be is a way to validate yourself, or enhance your self-worth. You are already worthy, and you’re always enough. So how do you get from one to the other? You can start by falling completely and madly in love with yourself. The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself. If you don’t completely love, honor, and accept every part of yourself, how can you expect that of someone else? This isn’t about finding the person that can be your “other half,” but about a journey to find someone who matches your energy and becomes the icing on YOUR cake. You’re the cake, baby.

Dating and Law of Attraction

The law of attraction is all about energy. So, if you’re out there dating and your energy or vibrational state with yourself is low, that’s what you’re going to attract. What you believe about yourself is exactly what everyone else will believe about you too. If you think something negative about yourself and look to have a significant other or friends validate that insecurity, you will stay insecure about it. It’s not about what anyone else thinks of you; it’s about what you think of yourself. No one is going to change your mind about what you think of yourself, it always has to come from within. Which is why the first place to always start is with yourself. Love from another person will always originate from the love you have for every part of who you are.

When you become confident with all that you are, you’ll attract the same confidence and love from another person. Because here’s the alternative… What if you have this one overwhelming insecurity? Maybe you think you’re bad at your job or don’t love the way your body looks. One day you meet someone and they continuously validate that insecurity that makes you believe you no longer feel insecure about it.  And then one day, for whatever reason, that relationship ends. If they were the primary source of validation for that original insecurity, what do you think is going to happen when they’re no longer here to tell you it’s not true? That insecurity is going to return with a roaring vengeance.

Relationships reflect you

Now, I’m no relationship coach or marriage counselor; however, I have been vigorously learning about and practicing living intentionally for two years now. A part of that education-turned-application has been recognizing when things about myself need healing or changing. The best way to diagnose these “problems” is to look at what in your life you don’t love, and what it might be a reflection of in your mindset. Now take that concept and apply it just to dating. Where have your past relationships not worked and what were the issues a reflection of in your life. The hardest part about making the diagnosis (and believe me, I know) is removing the other person from the equation completely.

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.

Rupi Kaur

Past Relationship – X = U

No matter how much we can argue that the ex was the issue or identify all of the things they did wrong, we are still the ones who attracted them into our lives. So, what does that reflect? The ex isn’t the issue. The Universe brings every single person we know into our lives for a reason. And when you’re ready to put in the mindset work and live intentionally, you can see that most people come with lessons. Sometimes, they even come with metaphorical highlighters to show us what we need to work on. Every relationship we exit leaves us with a lot to reflect on about ourselves, also known as baggage. But when you’re ready, you can see with less biased lenses what role you played in the relationship and where you can work on yourself (a.k.a, heal your baggage).

This certainly isn’t to say the other person didn’t play a role at all, they’re just simply not the person we’re working on. You are the person and the mindset you’re in control of. And if you want your next relationship to be stronger, healthier, and better, you have to put in the work on yourself. We always have room for growth and there are always ways in which we can learn to love and accept ourselves more. I’ve given you the tools over and over again on ways to put in the mindset work, the same rules apply for when you’re dating. If you’re ready to put yourself out there, you can take advantage of the Law of Attraction when you love yourself first. This way, you’ll attract someone who loves themselves as much as they’ll love you.

Dating Yourself First

Falling in love with every part of yourself is the most liberating feeling in the world. Does it mean that you think you’re perfect and nothing about you needs changing? Absolutely not—in fact, it means the opposite. Loving every part of yourself means you accept the not-so-perfect parts, by acknowledging that they need work. I don’t have a lot of patience; and when I get impatient, I tend to get a little snarky. I know this and it’s definitely something I’m working on. My lack of patience is reflected in almost every aspect of my life. It’s something I work on daily and remind myself to correct when my patience is lacking, specifically in regards to other people.

I’ve learned to love every part of myself and I’ve seen that reflected in my relationships. I’ve attracted stronger friendships, and more dates with the type of people I am more aligned with. And it’s because I choose to date and love myself first. Fall in love with who you are, spend time alone getting to know yourself, and put in the work to heal and grow. Do this, and you’ll attract your soulmate in no time. Be sure to listen to this week’s podcast episode, “Dating?—I think.” for a more personal and fun conversation about dating.