Today isn’t the happiest of blogs, but given the recent passing dates in my life, I wanted to share with you my small story and journey on loss. March 14, 2018, marked the two year anniversary of my brother’s passing and three weeks before this, on February 26th, marked his 24th Birthday. So you can say that the last three weeks of my life haven’t been the greatest. But, I think it’s important to talk about it, and in my case, write about it.
Loss is something that every single person on this plant experiences, some more often than others, and some with more impactful losses than others. Numerous studies have shown that the worst loss a person can experience is the death of their child. I saw my parents experience this. I saw the loss and I witnessed the toll it took on their lives and how they will have to move on from this, outliving their son. This is an impossible thing to do.
After having two years passed, I can say that things haven’t gotten easier, things and people have just moved on. It is my parents and I that will never move on from this, we simply just have to continue living without Joshua. Good things will continue to happen in our lives, and in the last two years, multiple good things have happened. Bad things will continue to happen in our lives, and in the last two years, bad things have happened to us. But it’s these experiences we must go through, parents without a son, sister without a brother. Although he may be with us, we will never be able to share intimate experiences with him.
After my parents called me in New York to tell me that my brother had passed away, some of the first things I thought about were the things I would never get to experience with Joshua. My brother will never be an uncle to my children; will never attend my wedding and I will never be an aunt to his children. These, among so many other things, is what so many people over look when their friends experience loss. These are the things you never realize you could lose until they’re actually gone.
Its been an extremely difficult two years without my brother, and my life is forever changed. But, I know Joshua is with me every step of the way and I know when good things happen that I’d like to tell him about, he already knows. His spirit will live on through my entire family and I know he is a part of it all, watching us grow and watching us flourish, through the hard times and the great times. I miss my brother dearly but I know, I am never without him.
In memory of Joshua Michael
02/26/1994 – 03/14/2016