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Throughout our lives, we will all deal with our own insecurities. Sometimes, the insecurities will be small things that we grow to accept; but other times, they will be things that we think will affect us for the rest of our lives. So, how do we learn to understand our insecurities? Understand why we don’t like parts of ourselves? And most importantly, how do we deal with insecurity to grow? Insecurity, I believe, stems from judgment. The judgment we receive from other people, how we ourselves judge others, and the ways we judge ourselves is how we form our insecurities. But, it’s not just judgment. It’s when we allow the judgment to affect us that we birth our insecurities. So, how do we become more confident in ourselves? How do we begin to displace these insecurities and grow in our self-worth?
4 Ways to Deal with Insecurities & Overcome Them
1. Redefine Your Self-Worth: First and foremost, we need to stop finding value in the negative opinions others may have. Our self-worth is only ever defined by who we build ourselves up to be, by the actions we take, and the people we become. Unfortunately, there will be so many people who pass through our lives who decide they know “the real you;” and because they are insecure in their own way, they will make attempts to tear you down and devalue the self-worth you’ve worked so hard to come to love. We are the only people in our lives who have the control to determine our self-worth. When you feel yourself letting outside judgment and voices creep in, work on your self-affirmations. We can always challenge the thoughts that people have of us by working to better ourselves, growing, and maturing. Too often, we don’t give ourselves enough credit for the efforts we’ve made in our self-love journey. So the next time you’re feeling insecure about something someone said, remind yourself of all you’ve done and are actively doing to grow. And remember, the judgment they’re placing on you is ultimately a reflection of their own insecurities.
2. Displace the Narratives: We often grow our insecurities when we apply narratives to a situation. We have tendencies to let our subconscious run wild with ideas and stories behind things we don’t actually know about. This is specifically relevant to when we’re feeling insecure in relationships. Whether it be a friendship or romantic relationship, we often settle for stewing in our insecurities, applying narratives, and letting them run wild, rather than just sitting down and having a conversation with this person. When we get lost in our own head to the point where we build up a situation so far past what it’s actually become. Instead, we need to feel confident in our ability to simply have a conversation and let the person know how we’re feeling. This lets us negate the insecurities and grow in our relationship with ourselves and this person. We need to remind ourselves that more often than not, the situation is not what we make it out to be; we’ve just let the moment get lost in the story we create.
3. Pause for Judgment: Since beginning my Intentional Living journey, I’ve realized how truly toxic judging someone else can be. I think we can be so quick to judge people without reminding ourselves that there are lives and stories behind the people we choose to judge. Let me be clear here on what I mean. By judging, I don’t mean passing someone by on the sidewalk, looking to your friend, and saying you don’t like their outfit. What I do mean is looking at someone and judging their life based on a story you know nothing about. Do we feel entitled to judge someone because we used to know them and because we used to be friends with them? Do we feel like we can judge someone because we know everything another person has told us about them? Why do we judge people? I know that the ways I judged people in the past were based on my own jealousy, need to justify my own life, or because I felt I knew them once, so I somehow know them now. The next time you or I feel judgmental, we need to stop ourselves and evaluate the situation. Instead, try offering that person a compliment—either to yourself or to them directly. Try building someone up instead of tearing them and yourself down. We don’t ever need to judge. Instead, we can focus that energy on ourselves and how we can continue to grow.
4. Insert Joy & Positivity into your Life: A constant source of light in our lives comes from all of the things and people we love. Passions for the things we’re good at, people we love to be around, these are the things that are always building us up. So, what do we do when we’re feeling low or having an off day? Well, when you’re living intentionally, the prescription for that is self-love and self-care. We practice self-love and self-care by surrounding ourselves with the people we love who make us laugh and feel good; we accomplish self-care by doing things we love and taking care of ourselves. Sometimes, our personal insecurities can come from a lack of self-care and self-love. The most important relationship in our lives is the one we have with ourselves. So, when we’re not paying attention to that relationship, not nurturing it, or attempting to grow or understand our emotions, we tend to fall back into insecurities. This often happens when we’re working especially hard at our jobs or school. When we’re putting all of our attention and energy into one thing, we see progress being made, and we begin to fear the success coming. Ultimately, if we fear success, we halt progress, and when we do this, we call to insecurities to blame the progress we just stopped. But when we address these fears and insecurities, we make progress and reach our success.
Insecurities are something we will all deal with for the rest of our lives. But, it is up to us to define how they affect our self-worth and our success in life. The opinions of those who don’t value you and what you have to offer should never affect how you feel about yourself. Of course, when you’re on your intentional living journey, you’ll have bad days where you do feel insecure, but those days do not define you, and they ultimately allow you to grow. Listen to the Do the Damn Thing Podcast to hear more about how to deal with Insecurities.