Write | Inspire | Dream
I’ve been asked over and over again, “Lauren, how does dating fit into Intentional Living?” Well, it wasn’t until more recently that I found my answer. Everyone, whether they realize it or not, has standards. In fact, we have standards for almost everything: relationships, jobs, friendships, etc. For every situation we step into with another person, we set standards and expectations, and vice versa. So, how do we set personal standards for dating? This can be a controversial topic and certainly one that can draw a fine line between confidence and arrogance. When I tell people about what I do, or do my discovery calls for coaching, I often tell them that my main drive behind assisting others in living more intentionally is to show people they don’t have to settle. This is true for dating too.
When we live intentionally, we’re creating a lifestyle that empowers every facet of our life. This lifestyle is supported by the mindset and standards we set for ourselves. So, when we’re living intentionally, it comes naturally to set standards in new relationships similar to the standards we already hold in current relationships. Before we move on, let me be clear on what I mean by standards. Remember my blog, Toxicity? When you’re living intentionally, the number one relationship you build is the one with yourself. In turn, from your growth comes unparalleled respect and love for yourself that can only be fostered in relationships that uplift you. We eventually learn to translate those same standards for love, comfort, trust, compassion, and respect we feel in our friendships into our romantic relationships.
Dating & Intentional Living
If you’re living intentionally, putting in the work, and putting in the effort to change your life, I believe you deserve to be with someone working to put in similar efforts. Living Intentionally is not an “easy” day-to-day mindset. It is a lifestyle that requires thoughtful intention and a purpose-driven attitude. This lifestyle communicates how you value and work daily to improve things like your mindset, productivity, habits, routines, etc. When you’re working on this level of awareness, and you’re able to be this present in your life, your standards for dating shift. As we’ve established, when you’re living intentionally, you’re more aware of your relationships. As your journey unfolds and you step into your light, you’re also removing yourself from relationships that no longer serve you.
This lifestyle allows you certain expectations and standards for the people you let into your life, specifically the people you date. Finally, you’ve reached a space where you’ve put in the work and put in the hours to change your lifestyle and redesign your subconscious around your limiting beliefs. Meaning, you’re not going to begin dating someone who’s going to tear down the foundation you’ve spent so much time building. This is where we see our standards manifest. We’ve reached a space of new confidence and stepped into our power. We spend so much time building our relationship, self-love, and compassion for ourselves. Now, we realize that never again will we allow ourselves to be in a relationship where someone feels the need to dismantle that confidence because they haven’t done the work to nurture and love themselves.
High Standards in Dating
When I’m speaking in regards to “high standards,” I’m not talking about looks, income, or things of vanity. I think we should all have high standards for the people we date when it comes to traits of value. Does the person value your time, energy, and thoughts? Even more compelling, does the person value their own time, energy, and thoughts? I believe that at our age, and the way social media plays a role in our lives, it can be difficult to find someone who is completely secure in who they are. Finding someone who is confident in who they are but is always acknowledging where changes can be made and making those changes—that is a person worth fighting for. Again, this returns to the point of confidence versus arrogance.
Social media makes it easy for us to be arrogant about our lives because we’re only showing a small fraction of the life we actually live. So, when it comes to dating and getting to know the true version of someone, it’s not only okay to have high standards, but it’s important. We forget that our time is valuable and fleeting. There is nothing wrong with having fun and enjoying your time with new people. But, if you’re dating seriously, remind yourself that if that connection isn’t there or the person isn’t up to your standards, then it’s time to move on. Never try to force the connection or settle for something for the sake of having a relationship. Because when you’re settling, you’re taking away the opportunity for something better and more suited for you to come along.
You Are Worthy
The standards we have for anything aren’t something we can usually compartmentalize and put away. If you have standards for something—or even a lack of standards—then there is usually a reason for them. An emotion or memory has rooted you to those standards, and they’re usually something we’re unwavering in. You are worthy of finding someone who meets your standards and expectations. Our time is valuable and life is fleeting. Who we choose to spend that time with should never be considered “settling.”